Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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