when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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