If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
