i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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