she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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