It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
