Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
