There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
