So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
