update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
