i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
