dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
