I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize