Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
