my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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