did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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