just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
