Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
