Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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