i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
