Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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