Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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