Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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