: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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