Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love you. Go after that dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
