On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
