I am in a vortex of obligation.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize