Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
