Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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