My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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