We won't sleep together?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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