I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
