My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
