Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
