i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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