Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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