dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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