Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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