We won't sleep together?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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