Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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