Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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