If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
