i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize