I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
