You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
