Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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