Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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