yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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