Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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