dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
