i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
