if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
