Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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