Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
