so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
