And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
