Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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