Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
