Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
