I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
