You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
