Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
