is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
