So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
