We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize